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I wondered, when was the last time I wrote something special for God.
Something deep that vividly describes my personal relationship with Him. I realized, it's been long...that long, I can't even
figure out when. I examined myself and asked the question, why? What happened, when I was always enthusiastic to express my
thoughts and feelings for Him through the creativity of my writings. I threw the question to myself "why
Riza?, what's wrong?" And something unfolded in my heart. There was a big hollow inside. A void that needed to be filled in.
An intense longing for someone who owns that reserved space in my being. I knew who that was. Jesus, the lover of my soul.
Yes, I am guilty. I have neglected Him. I thought I was nurturing our relationship through my prayers, through the songs I
sung to Him. But those were not enough. I was too relaxed. Too assured to myself that I have Him in my heart. Too at ease
that my relationship with Him is well taken cared of. Getting too familiar, yet strange in a lot of ways that I could not
explain. I didn't give my all to Him, when infact He desires the all of me (But don't necessarily need me, for He is too powerful,
too holy, too great, too big to need me). Did it make Him selfish? No. It makes Him abundantly generous and ever-loving because
He knows, I am only human. I am weak. Most of the time I commit mistakes. I stumble along the way. He wants the all of me
so He could give me His abounding grace that I could share to other people specially my loved ones. His grace is something
too precious that I don't deserve because of my sinfulness. Yet, He never makes the amount of my sins a gauge to how much
grace He wants to give me. For His grace is insurmountable, bigger than my sins, my weaknesses, my flaws, my inadequacies.
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